Dealing with fears… Part 1

Hello gorgeous,

We all have fears and we all let them block us from doing what we should be doing (that is: be the best version of ourselves!), at least from time to time!

They might block us from showing up fully (and be successful in business, in our relationships…), they might block us from making that difficult decision we know we need to make and we keep postponing…

But, let me tell you (in case you don’t know that yet ;-)): they are not going anywhere. They are way too comfortable with you. They are gonna stay right there with you, keep you company and especially keep you safe.

Because what are those fears? In most cases, they are simply your ego wanting to prevent you from doing something that he (the ego – sorry guys, it feels more masculine to me ;-)) believes is dangerous for you, be it for your health, your safety, or even your sanity! While this is very important that we don’t get ourselves into dangerous situations, like jumping from a bridge or a plane, sometimes the thing we fear is deemed dangerous by the ego simply because it means exposing ourselves to something new, maybe risking a failure, and simply getting out of our comfort zone.

In a book I read a few months ago (Playing big, by Tara Moor),
she explains that there are 2 types of fear: Pachad and Yirah (2 Hebrew words for fear). The first one, Pachad, is “the fear of projected or imagined things”, while the second one, Yirah, is “the feeling that overcomes us when we inhabit a larger space than we are used to”. While Pachad is more about the ego perceiving a potential threat (not only a physical threat), Yirah brings with it expansion, as it is about getting out of our comfort zone, expanding, learning, growing, and that feels much more exciting.

So one thing you could do here is trying to recognize, when you fear something, which one it is. It might often be a mixture of the 2, but I encourage you to try and see when there is a possibility for expansion.

In another book I read a few years ago (Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers),
the main message she is giving is that the only way to deal with our fears is to face them and do the thing we fear. And we are far from being alone, everybody has fears, but they don’t necessarily let them block them and prevent them from acting.

One practical exercise from this book we can do is: to list all the payoffs that keep us stuck.

For instance, we are currently in a job, working for somebody else, but we are unhappy. However we are not (yet) taking action to change job and we stay where we are, complaining… Why is that? Payoffs could be: as long as we don’t try to find another job, we don’t have to expose ourselves to rejection, we don’t have to check and update our cv, send it out, check the ads, receive some negative answers, go through interviews, maybe fail… But yeah, maybe we can and will find the job that is made for us, with the nice boss and colleagues, where we can continue to grow and learn, and go to work with pleasure in the morning….The choice is ours…

I’ll end this first part with a quote:

Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.” Esther Hicks

So…if you can do something about it, make a plan and act on it. If you can’t, stop worrying!

I will be back on that same topic next week!

I wish you a wonderful week!

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