You might think it’s a weird combination of words I am using today… And you must know as well how much I recommend self-care and self-love, because it all starts with our selves…
Self-care and harmony:
I believe we can’t have a harmonious relationship with an other if we are not properly taking care of ourselves and of our needs. Taking good care of ourselves means that we are the ones to fulfill our needs and that we are not expecting another human being to do it for us. Let me give you a few examples:
- So if we need a good belly laugh, how can we give it to our self? Maybe by watching one of our favorite comedians on YouTube, or that comedy that we like so much and laugh at every time again?
- If we need tenderness, can we maybe find it in a good cuddle with our pet, or in a big hug with a friend, or by resting or our couch wrapped in a cozy blanket?
- If we need to vent, whom can we call for that? Or can we maybe write it down on our journal to get it out of our system?
You see, it’s not about being able to give everything to ourselves, but it’s about knowing what will give us what we need and acting on it, thereby not expecting anybody else to know what we want or need without saying and to be able to foresee our wants and needs.
When we get to that place, any relationship will automatically be more harmonious as we are not expecting them to fill our holes; we have no holes to fill…
And from that place of inner fulfillment, it’s also a lot easier to give and to take care, to be nice and gentle for others, as we are already being taken care of.
Self-Care and egotism:
That’s where it gets tricky. When does self-care become too much, when does a healthy dose of self-care become egotism? How can we discern between the two?
Here’s the dictionary definition for egotism: “An excessive regard for one’s own talents or achievements; conceit, self-importance; acting with only one’s own interests in mind.”
It is, as always, when it becomes excessive that something is not so healthy anymore.
So how can we stop before, and can we even?
I am not sure, let’s say it does take practice… Mostly, we won’t recognize it before it’s done, before we said that thing that was not so nice, that felt like we did not care about the other, because we were so much busy with our self. With a bit of luck, the other person won’t hold it against us (for too long) and will let us know of our selfishness. With less luck, we will get it back like a boomerang… But when that happens a few times, I guess we should then start to notice and pay more attention to what we say and how we say it, to not let it happen. As I doubt that’s really who we are and what we want… Here’s a quote that sums it up for me:
“Never allow your ego to diminish your ability to listen.” Gary Hopkins
And I want to ask my friends: if I am ever guilty of egotism, please let me know so that I can correct my course immediately 😉
Have a wonderful week!