I have noticed, many many times, women who had a hard time trying to assert themselves and who finally ended their current relationship as the last possible option… Well, luckily, this is not necessary; you can also be assertive and stay in your current relationship ;-). I want you to know that there are clues, tips that can help you get there more easily, and here are some:
- People can’t read your mind. As much as I would like that to be true myself, more often than not, it is not! Telepaths are the exception, not the norm. People sometimes even have a hard time reading their own mind and not getting overwhelmed… ;-). What this implies, though, is that if you want something, you have to ask for it. Be it time, attention, a massage, kindness, respect…
- You can’t read their mind. Even though you would like it as much, forget it! So you have to trust that they will ask, if they need or want something from you, and believe that if they don’t ask, it just means they are happy with the way things are. (The alternative here is that they are not assertive enough themselves ;-), in which case they should read this too!)
- Lead by example. If you want your partner to respect your time and for instance your need for me-time, show him (or her) that you respect yourself by taking that time. If you want more kindness, be kind. If you want attention, give it. If you want time to share, suggest it. Don’t wait for the other to initiate something but do it yourself, and do it with kindness.
- Go for a smooth transition. In many cases, smooth is better than a big bang. Smooth gives time to people to get used to the changes you are bringing.
- Anchor yourself first. If you expect a difficult conversation, if you are chickening out when it comes to talking about money for instance, my last tip is that you prepare yourself by taking a power pose for 2’ upfront (I talked about this in my first day video of my 7-day feel good instantly e-course, watch it here)
We haven’t even touched on the topic of beliefs here. But I just want to address one. You might be afraid that people (your friends, your partner) are not going to like you or love you anymore if you change the way things are by showing more assertiveness. Well, you could be wrong, they might appreciate more you standing up for yourself and thinking, finally… And if it came to that, people not liking you being more assertive, well, to me that means those people are not your friends for the right reasons… If they love you for you, then they only want to see you happy and fulfilled…
I wish you a wonderful week!
Much love, Madeleine