Can we really change?

Hello gorgeous,

Some weeks ago, I watched a (long) video starring Tony Robbins in an interview and one of the things he said really stayed with me, and that’s what I want to talk about now. This same topic (“can one really change”) once caused a big disagreement with a friend of mine. I think Tony Robbins would have managed to get us to agree ;-). In case you don’t know who this big tall guy is, have a look at https://www.tonyrobbins.com.

My view was that people could change and hers was that they could not. Well, what Tony says is that it is easy to change if you decide to change a pattern instead of thinking of changing as a human being. I think he is right. Although we do change during those years (who here hasn’t heard something along the lines of: “you are not the same than the person I met/married…” or could have said that to her/his spouse?…), we don’t see change as being easy, and we often give up before we try…

It is true that change requires work and patience. If it were easy, we (and humanity) would be a lot further in our personal development… But so does mastering a sport or a skill, and still we do that (when we are motivated…). We learn how to walk, even though it means falling and getting up countless times before we finally manage, we learn how to cycle, first with the small wheels, then without, we learn to play an instrument (in my case, even with a helluva lot of work, I don’t think I will ever be a good drummer, but who cares! ;-))…

When we are busy changing, we step into our Learning zone, out of our Comfort zone, which can be painful. But only until we complete the change process and it becomes part of our comfort zone. But we never gain anything by staying all the time in our comfort zone…

I think what matters is why we are doing it, what motivates us to change. Is it pain or pleasure? I believe that pain avoidance is a bigger motivator than pleasure seeking. But what I am sure of is that we need to have a big Why in order to go through the change process and keep going until the new habit is installed and becomes our new routine…

And it helps as well to see some results quickly to keep going…Research says (My reference here is Robin Sharma and Mindvalley) that it takes 66 days to get a new habit installed. 66 days is pretty long if you need to wait all that time to see some results of your efforts. But some can also be visible pretty quickly. When I started a gratitude journal for instance, it made me feel good every time I was writing, and so feeling good became more constant in my life, but luckily it didn’t take 66 days to see that and feel that way! Or if you intend to start the Miracle Morning routine (read Hal Elrod’s book or my blog post here), you should also notice rather quickly that you are feeling better, sharper, more focused etc. after only a few short weeks. So think about that when you want to make a change. How long is it going to take for you to see some improvement of your situation?

One thing that helped me, when I was busy installing a new habit, was to install a new routine for it (and what put me off was changing my regular routine, like travelling etc…) that fitted it. So for instance, to write on the gratitude journal before going to bed, having my journal always on my bed side made it easy to do it every time (while being in a different place made me interrupt it). What works for me too is external triggers, like reminders on my phone or post-it notes on my screen or on the fridge, until they become transparent and we don’t see them, notice them anymore, which means it’s time to change them to a different place/sound etc.!

So… what (next) change are you considering? Let me know!

Change is hard at first

Take good care of yourself and enjoy life!

Much love, Madeleine

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