Permission granted!

Hello gorgeous,

I gave myself permission to take a holiday from blogging for a few weeks, so I am thereby giving you the authorization to do the same (just in case you needed it ;-))

You may_ - Take a rest - Do nothing

I wish you a wonderful summer!

Much love, Madeleine

Happiness is an inside job…

Hello gorgeous,

I was watching a Ted talk yesterday from Mathieu Ricard (who is a French writer and Buddhist monk) and was reminded (in case I needed to!) that happiness was an inside job. His advice is to go inside (for instance by meditating) and concentrate on positive feelings like gratitude, compassion and love, which are the antidote feelings for anger, hatred etc. He was also saying that happiness should not depend on how much (stuff, money etc.) you have, but should be a state of being instead.

So I had to think about own quest for happiness and those last 2-3 years since I came back to the South of France. I am no Buddhist monk and not an intense meditator either (although I do meditate, alone and in a group), but I completely resonated with what he said. I feel that I now have a stable core, and that, although I can still be suddenly thrown out of balance by an external event, but at least I know it won’t last very long before I am my normal self again.

Here are my conclusions on what helped me, let me know if it’s the same for you!

  • I tried to make the most of what I had, and be grateful for it. Even though I put it aside for a while as a journaling habit, writing down everyday a few things I was grateful for helped me a lot. To realize how much we already have and how blessed we are. And that it’s not about how much money is there.
  • I consciously thought of self-care, even if I am not the best example in that area, I know how important it is!
  • I gathered my tribe, and it is still expanding. It is so important to be with like-minded people, and people who will lift you up. (It also means letting go of relationships that do not serve you anymore…). My friends are all very different and I am grateful for each one of them to be who they are and for our relationship!
  • I follow my heart whenever possible. It might not always seem logical to others, but I am following my desires and adjusting my course when needed.
  • I accept people and events as they are. If I don’t get what I want immediately, there must be a reason, and it means I will get something even better. People are the way they are, I don’t try to change them, it’s either accepting them as they are or letting them go.

Carpe

I wish you a wonderful week!

Much love, Madeleine

11 ideas to be your own Valentine ☺

Hello gorgeous,

This last weekend was Valentine, and although I believe it is much more commercial than it is romantic, I still get romantic at heart. Our daughter gave us her pocket money so that we could go to the restaurant together, and that really touched us a lot! (We said we would go the 4 of us in a few weeks instead ;-)).

The romantic in me wants to talk about love, more specifically about how we can take good care of ourselves, like our lover would do. So here are my ideas, I am sure you will get some more, don’t hesitate to share on the blog!

  1. The most obvious: buy yourself a gift, like flowers, a jewel, or a lingerie set. After all, who better than ourselves know which flowers we like, which bra fits us the best etc…
  2. Self-care: treat yourself with an aromatic bath, using scented candles, take a good book with you and maybe a glass of wine (or a tea!), and enjoy your time (don’t forget to put warm water after a while ;-))
  3. Share: call a good friend for a nice and long-due conversation today, but pick one that is uplifting and will give you energy, not the other way around. Don’t gossip, simply be positive and uplifting.
  4. Plan: Look at your bucket list and plan your next move, your next item on the list. And if you don’t have a bucket list yet, it’s high time to start one!
  5. Write: write yourself a love letter, tell yourself what and why you love about yourself, about your qualities, your personality traits, and maybe what you love about your appearance as well. Try to be as exhaustive as possible. Fill at least one A4 page, more is even better.
  6. Get emotional: get yourself a good DVD or rent a movie for the evening. One that you want to see very badly, or one that you already saw and always makes you laugh (or cry or both, whatever you feel like).
  7. Get physical: you get to choose, yoga, Pilates, dancing with the music, hula hooping, running, whatever sport you prefer. Go generate those endorphins!!!
  8. Go in nature: go for a walk (or for a run!) and take all the time you need to feel, smell, listen and relax. You may even want to hug a tree! And if you have a dog, you do that already, so just be even more mindful of the nature than you normally are.
  9. Act like a kid: time to pick one of those adult coloring books, or create something with your hands (like a dream-catcher, I showed my daughters recently how to make one), or play (beat the dancer on the Wii Just Dance for instance, or anything else where you can really let yourself go as a kid would do!), you may also hug your favorite teddy bear, indulge in candies and Nutella…
  10. The Feng-Shui way: declutter! Oh I can feel the resistance, yours as well as mine, when I hear those words… And yet, after decluttering even just one drawer, you will already feel so much lighter! So time to throw those old undies, give away what you don’t wear anymore etc. and make sure you keep all those old souvenirs together in a chest instead of having them scattered everywhere in the house!
  11. The most woo-woo: meditate and decide to feel the love inside of you (that very high frequency…). When you feel it, send it out, to your kids, your parents, your friends, your pets etc. for a few moments. It feels really good!

SINCE 1991

I would love to know which of those you already do consistently, to treat yourself well. And if you have new ones, I would love to know as well to make this list much bigger!

Have a wonderful week!

Much love,

Madeleine

Respect your time!

Hello gorgeous,

I came across a post from Elizabeth Gilbert (author of the famous Eat, Pray, Love book) and it resonated with me so I am expanding on that with you today. She said she always thought she was a low energy person, until she realized she was not, but she was giving away her energy to difficult relationships and to things and people who were draining her energy. When she stopped, she immediately got a lot more energy. Sounds miraculous, right?

I would like to invite you to have a look at your own energy levels, at how the days go by, and when you feel energetic, and when you feel depleted. For instance, when I am actively engaged in DIY, time flies and I am having so much fun that I am not “losing” energy but it’s like I am producing energy. After a coaching session (or a really good and inspiring conversation), just the same, I feel I have produced energy and feel on a high. But when I have to deal with administrative tasks and annoying neighbors, oh my God, I feel I need to recover after that…

How is it for you? Can you notice what are the tasks and activities that you go through and that are giving you energy, and what are those that are sucking your energy instead? Maybe it’s about the people who are around you as well, positive and uplifting people will always give you energy, and negative people will have a tendency to suck yours…

I encourage you to make a list – or actually 2 lists, one for what/who gives you energy and one for what/who drains your energy, so that you can contemplate it and change your schedule accordingly.

How can you spend more time doing what you love, seeing uplifting people, and less time doing what you dislike and with negative people?

Maybe it will require learning to say no more often… (You can read my post here on setting boundaries for more inspiration).

Maybe it will require you to be more conscious of how you spend your time (and maybe spend less on social media 😉 so that you get more efficient!).

Maybe it will mean do less and be more, as in be less active doing things, and take some time to journal, reflect, meditate, read (and for those of us introverts, time alone is a must in order to regenerate!).

YOUR

I would love for you to join my 10 days Self-Love Challenge (if you haven’t done so already). Here’s the FB group for you to join (click here). If you are not on FB, no worries, you can still participate, just drop me an email at contact at madeleineroyere dot com! It starts on November 18th.

I wish you a wonderful week!

Why you should love yourself as you want to be loved!

Hello gorgeous,

Warning: I am aware that I might sound a bit harsh today. Please bear with me and know that I love you!

Why do we feel people disrespect us sometimes? Because deep down we ourselves do not respect who we are and we let people trespass our boundaries.
Why don’t we feel loved as we would like to? Because we don’t appreciate ourselves enough, we don’t see how divinely perfect we are, so we can’t emanate that to the outer world, and they can’t see it either.

We need to lead by example. We need to set the tone. It all starts with ourselves. So we should be our own best friend all the time. We should be happy with ourselves, never feel lonely, because we are in good company, our own company! We should know how to best take care of ourselves, please ourselves, and love ourselves as the magnificent beings that we are.

Sounds good, right? Well, in practice, it seems to be one of the most difficult things to do. And we find ourselves waiting for others to love us, to please us; we expect the others to fill the gap we feel inside.

Stoooooop!!! I beg you, take responsibility for loving yourself first. Take responsibility for setting your boundaries. Take responsibility for making yourself happy. Only then will the outer world reflect it back to you. You will be respected by others, as you do it yourself first, so you know you won’t let anybody get passed the fence. Others will appreciate your value, as you know it very well by now and appreciate yourself fully. Others will love you for being you, because you will know that you are so lovable, cause you love yourself!

I know you want to follow that. I know you know that’s the thing you should do. And I know how difficult it can be to get there. And I want to help you! But this time I am going to do it differently. I am going to challenge you to do acts of self-love every day for 10 days. Because I can give you all the advice I can think of, but that’s not enough, you need to do the work…

So… I am preparing a 10 days Self-Love Challenge. I already created the FB group for you to join (click here) and share and feel the support of the other women out there. But if you are not on FB, no worries, you can still participate!
It will start on November 18th and will run once a month after the initial round.

What do you need to do? Reply to that email saying: Yes I’am in! and I’ll make sure you get the emails every day. Join the FB group as well if you are on FB (it will be French and English language altogether this time – you’ll all get to practice!)

And if you like quizzes I have this one for you (no strings attached, just for fun!)
Are you in love with yourself? Take it here!

Finally, what I would love is to have many more joining us, so could you share this with your friends who could benefit from this challenge as well? Thanks a lot!!!

I wish you a wonderful week!

Celebration and Gratefulness

Hello gorgeous,

Today I writing post #26 and I have to stand still for a minute. It’s already been 6 months that I manage to consistently write every week and I want to celebrate that milestone for myself and with you!

I equally want to celebrate you, my friends, my readers, who take the time to check your email and read my note every week (even if it’s not every single week, I still love you!). I want to thank you for your comments as well; they fill my heart with joy and give me more motivation to keep going.

I want to thank all of you for being there for me, for our interactions, for triggering my reflections week after week. You are also my inspiration, not just my own limiting beliefs surfacing regularly 😉 and I hope you understand I am never judging any of us, simply starting a reflection process every time, and trying to give clues to move forward!

I am equally grateful for all of you who answered my questionnaire and/or shared it with their friends and followers, for I now have enough replies for it to be significant. It already helped me immensely and made me add topics, update my structure, and think that I was about half way by now. I want to finish it by the end of the year (here I said it, that’s my deadline), and I know (some of) you are asking for a paper version, so that means looking for a potential publisher (one in French and one in English). So if you have any leads or tips, let me know!!!

I hope you took the time to do the Be Do Have exercise last week. I made some of you do it 😉 and I continuously work on it myself, and it really makes me feel positive every time. So if you haven’t, go do it! And if you have, how are you keeping it alive? Do you journal every day like me, or do you have an action plan you are acting on? I would love to know how it is working for you!

To end my little celebration, I’d love to ask you if there are topics you would like me to tackle, or to come back to!

Cheers to us!!!

It's been 6 months already!!!

The upsides of egoism and impatience!

Hello gorgeous,

Yesterday I posted a pic on my FB page with a few mantras (and reposted them on WordPress!), and it started a conversation with a male friend on one of those, namely: “I come first”. So I thought I should expand on this topic a bit more!

Why (and who) do I advise to use this mantra? Well, I noticed that many of us have a tendency to give their time, energy, help to other people, but sometimes up to the point where they don’t have enough left for themselves (and risk a burn out!). Do you maybe recognize yourself in that picture? Of course, there is nothing wrong with helping others and being of service, on the contrary. What I think is wrong is doing it without first caring for our own needs, our need for rest, our need for me-time, our family needs, etc. How can we help others if we already feel depleted?

So when I say: “I come first”, I am not planning on advising all of us to become egocentric, I am simply saying that self-care is needed first! Think about young kids. Aren’t they egocentric? Don’t they think first about what they want? Don’t they claim what they want (sometimes pretty loudly even!)? And do we hold grudges? No, of course not, we understand it, we accept it even.

So why does it then become “a bad thing” when we grow up? Because it contradicts other values our parents are trying to teach us, and specifically “being charitable”. Well, as always it’s a question of balance…

If you feel you have difficulty asserting yourself and caring for your needs, here’s the link to another post where I gave some advice on how to set boundaries politely 😉

The other character trait I want to mention here, that also has a bad reputation, is impatience. Well I claim being impatient, and although I make regular attempts to become more patient, today I even felt happy to be impatient. Because I believe impatience is driven by desires, and to me it simply means I have dreams, desires (hence I exist!), and I am motivated to see those fulfilled as quickly as possible. It also motivates me to take action so that I do my part of the job to see my desires fulfilled, to see my dreams come true more quickly!

I relate my impatience to my drive, my motivation, my inner fire, and that to me is the wonderful upside of impatience 🙂

I wish you a wonderful week!

Patience, patience…

Hello gorgeous,

This week I still don’t feel like going back to fears, I find it funny but there’s always something else coming up in conversations that make me tilt and change my mind 😉

This week I want to talk about patience. I guess if you are anything like me, you don’t like to wait at all. When you set your mind on something, you want it and you want it now! While I am writing this, I have to think of little kids who are just the same, wanting their toy or their bottle right now, they don’t know what patience is, the only thing they know is the Now, they live in the Now…

Well, we also live in the Now, but life taught us that we often have to wait in order to get the things we want. How’s that for waiting:

  • I finally got a house with a swimming pool at 46 (while I had been praying like hell when I was about 6…)
  • I finally met my husband (and father of my kids) when I was 34, got kid #1 at 36 and kid #2 at 39
  • My mum finally became a grand-ma when she was 69 (and nearly getting desperate!)

Well, still, I am not patient. When I ask my kids to do something and I have to repeat it 3 times before they act, I get annoyed. When I ask the Universe for something and I don’t get it right away, I get annoyed. When I see people bragging about their business successes, launch successes, I get jealous.

keep-calm-and-have-patience-147And then I have to stop myself and remind myself that it’s important to enjoy the journey, not the destination. Like in this saying: “Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life.” We can’t let our happiness depend on something that we want and do not have yet (be it a house, a job, a partner…). I can’t let it stop me from enjoying myself in the Now. And, the other thing that I often forget to do, is to stop and look at all I am doing, recognize I could not fit anything else into my schedule, and pat myself in the back for my hard work, and realize how far I have come.

So how about you? Is anything stopping you from being happy now? Is there anything you want to have (need to have) before you can allow yourself to be happy right now? And can you stop for a minute and look at where you were 6 months ago, and pat yourself in the back, before you go on with your life and your desires for a better life? 😉 (I do have those too, and they are necessary as well for us to progress!)

I wish you a wonderful week!

Celebration time baby!

Hello gorgeous,

It just came to me today that I should talk to you about celebrating. Celebrating what, you are asking? Well, there is so much to celebrate…

Think about where you are now. We are past the middle of the year, so look back at those first 6-7 months. What happened in your life during all that time?

  • Did you maybe sell your house, or buy a new one, or both?
  • Did you launch your first e-course?
  • Did you write that book?
  • Did you increase your income?
  • Did you give yourself an upgrade (whether that means for you, buying new clothes, furniture, more self-care etc!…)?
  • Did you take a big (and often) difficult decision?
  • Did you decide to be less demanding for yourself and more compassionate?
  • Did you finally take (computer-free) holidays?
  • Did you make new friends?
  • Did you spend time with your good friends?
  • Did you love?
  • Did you get a coach? 😉
  • And whatever else you can think of!

If the answer to at least one of them is Yes, then you’ve got to celebrate!!!

As I write this, I have to think about Brendon Burchard (personal development trainer and author of a few good books – amongst which “The Charge”), his philosophy is to ask yourself those 3 questions (and not just at the end of your life ;-)):

  • Did I live?
  • Did I love (hey, not just another human being, but yourself as well…)?
  • Did I matter?

If we say yes, we are on purpose!

I am planning to celebrate with my friends at the end of August, and I have already a few reasons to: 8 years married, 13 years together, turning 48, 2 years back in the south of France, and I am planning to add even more reasons to celebrate between now and then.

So how about you? Getting in the mood already ;-)?

I wish you a wonderful week!