Are those feelings really yours?

Hello gorgeous,

I had a weird (and unpleasant) experience this week, which I want to share with you. On Tuesday, I wasn’t really feeling good, rather sad. My mother came and told me it was the 20^th anniversary of my grandmother passing. And as the day was passing by, my sadness only got worse, I just wanted to be alone and cry my heart out… When I finally went to bed, I could not sleep, my thoughts were so dark, I thought my whole life was a mess and what was I going to do with it? I still managed to fall asleep at some point, and luckily, the day after, the dark cloud hanging above my head was gone and I could just go back to being my normal self. But obviously that made me think and wonder whether those feelings were actually mine. I thought about my grandmother, I thought about a special configuration of stars, I was really puzzled with the whole thing. I don’t know what it was at the end (I thought about a few more different explanations!), but I know it wasn’t mine; it was too out of sync with me.

I think that, when we have a lot of empathy (we don’t necessarily have to be hypersensitive), it is very easy to feel overwhelmed by (negative) feelings originating from other people. And how about the energy-sucking people who can only complain all the time, can they bring you down with them too? How about the big disastrous events on the planet, can you feel those (and the conscious collective sadness) too? If yes, can you find a way to stay in your own vibration?

This brings me to the following: the necessity for introspection and time alone, to go back inside to find yourself back. And of course, meditation is a good exercise for that, but you can also read a good book or do a DIY (my personal favorite) with mindfulness and find yourself back this way as well. You can also go and walk in nature, listen to good music, whatever works for you in the moment.

How about you? Do you sometimes feel something that might not be yours?

Take good care of yourself and enjoy life!

I wish you a great week.

Much love, Madeleine

Setting boundaries

Hello gorgeous,

Setting boundaries seems to be a trendy topic these days 😉 I keep stumbling across articles and getting into conversations with people who are struggling with setting them. So I thought I should give you my 2 cents on this topic 😉

You might have difficulties saying No. Maybe not to everybody, but maybe more to your parents, spouse, or your close friends. You tend to agree to their requests and suddenly realize you are doing a lot for others, but not really taking care of yourself anymore. Where did it go wrong?

Maybe you are someone who wants to please others (potentially as a means to be loved/appreciated more, but I won’t go into more details for now…), that’s how you have been raised, and you kept that without realizing that it does not serve you anymore. People do not seem to appreciate what you do for them as you would like them to, and they may not reciprocate (as would seem normal to you). Maybe, as you seem to say Yes every time, they even ask you more and more and you feel trapped but still unable to say No…

If you recognize yourself in those situations, here are a few tips:

– Start small to build your self-confidence and build it up: by that I mean say No to something relatively small, mean it, and really be conscious when you do it that saying No to that other person meant saying Yes to yourself. Practice, practice, practice…

– You can also buy yourself some time before agreeing (or disagreeing) by saying you need to think about it first. Say someone asks you to mind their dog for a week, say that you first need to check if it’s feasible. And during that time, what you need is to check with yourself how you feel about this favor they are asking you to do for them, does it feel good or does it feel, well, constricted inside? If it does not feel good, say No, it’s not possible for you, maybe another time but now not.

– If you realize afterwards that somebody went too far, for example said something to you/about you that made you feel hurt, sad, or even aggressed: it’s the first step in becoming conscious of your boundaries. And it’s never too late to react and admit that you don’t like what just happened. You can come back to the person and say that you feel hurt, sad. And you can make a promise to yourself to pay more attention, so that you can then stop it before they go too far.

I wish you a wonderful week!

Expectation vs Deception

Hello gorgeous,

Today I want to talk about expectations we have of other people (and of ourselves too, but I’ll keep that for another time 😉 and deceptions that follow because we don’t get what we expect.

I believe we are all guilty of expecting things from people. We often wish our dear ones would understand us, without us having to explain anything; we wish to get support and help without asking for it, because, after all, wouldn’t we just do that for them?

Well, let me tell you, if we did help others without being asked, we might end up feeling disappointed that our help wasn’t accepted nor rewarded… And if we indeed could understand everybody without them explaining, then we would all be psychics, right?…

Another example is when we give (time, money, support etc.) to another, and expect at least a positive reaction in return. Well, we can also expect that the other person’s reaction won’t be exactly what we would have wanted.

I am sure you all experienced that at some point, just as I did, and still do sometimes, although I am trying to stay off of expectations.

The key is to not expect anything in return. Whatever positive return you get then, it becomes the cherry on the cake and feeds you much more. And when you give, give because it nourishes you, because it makes you feel good to give, not because you want a thank you in return. Sounds simple, but takes practice…

So start practicing today. What is it that you can give to somebody without expecting anything back? Start simple. Start for example with a random act of kindness. Smile to people you don’t know in the street. Say hello to the shop owner. Help someone cross the street. Send a postcard or an email to a friend… And feel the joy in the act of giving J

I wish you a wonderful week!

Who’s in your team?

Hello gorgeous,

By team, I mean Support Team. The people around you, which you turn to when you need a hug, an idea, a service, a conversation, etc… You probably know that “We are the average of the 5 people we spend most of our time with.” (Dixit Jim Rohn, motivational speaker). That is very important, it means we can’t afford to spend time with people who are bringing us down, without being taken down ourselves. If we want to stay positive, we need to surround ourselves with positive people, the type of people who will always have a positive word, offer us a shoulder, a bed, their time.

That obviously requires that we are ok with asking for help, and receiving help as well. I know that for some of us, we feel we need to do it all alone, and if Giving is an innate thing, Asking is very far from innate. Most of the times we need to learn to Ask. And learn to Receive. And yet, if we don’t ask, how could we receive? How could people guess what we need and when we need it? Not everybody is a psychic 😉

I recognize I thought I had to do it all on my own, so I learnt it was ok to ask for help. After all, people are really willing to help when you ask, just as I am ready to help when asked…

I am blessed to have many positive souls around me. My close family and dear friends, my Mastermind group, my Coach, my Facebook friends and groups… and the invisible friends too, the ones that we can ask too, even if we never see them ;-), cause they too are ready to help when (and only when) we ask…

So what I would like you to reflect on this week is:

• Am I allowing help? Do I feel ok with asking for help? Can I truly receive it?
• Who is in my support team? Are all the people around me supportive? Or are there some people who bring me down and who I need to see less of, so that I can feel better?

I wish you a wonderful week!

She’s your best friend because she believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself.