Letting go!

Hello gorgeous,

For this week’s post, I asked a friend of mine what she wanted me to talk about and here’s what she came up with 😉 What a big topic indeed… I feel like I might just scratch the surface in one go but here we go!

What, Why and When should I let go? Let’s first set the scene for our letting go of today by giving you an example. Suppose you want something very very badly (a job, a lover, money, whatever it is). As long as you hold on to it, it probably won’t happen; you are not giving it enough space. It helps to give the Universe some indication of what it is that you want; however being too precise is generally killing it, so it’s often about the right balance…

Do you want this specific job you applied for, or do you want to find the job that will fulfill you because it uses your specific set of skills and feels rewarding?

Do you have your eyes set on one specific guy or do you want to find a relationship that’s easy, loving and enjoyable?

Do you want to make money with a specific job or product or service (or by winning at the lottery!) or are you open to more ways for money to come in?

Often (or so the specialists say), what is really important is the feeling you are after, which is the result, whereas the “How it happens” is not that important.

To summarize here: we should let go of the how, while having our eyes fixed on the result (the feeling), because by letting go, we are letting things happen for us, instead of going by force. Again, no misunderstanding here please, we should still do our part of the job, as always (difficult to meet a new guy if we stay at home 24/7…). But once we know what is that feeling that we want, and know what it is that we can do about it, then we should let go of the rest.

Your next question, I suppose, is the following: How can I let go? I am with you on that one; it’s the most difficult part of the whole story of course… So here are a few tips for you!

• Ask and forget: that’s the ideal way of course, but I only advise it for small things, when you are not too attached to the result, when it’s more a “nice to have”. Did you read E2 from Pam Grout? In her book she is suggesting some experiments with the Universe, I find it a good idea to practice your Ask and Forget muscle. It helped me, as I already had difficulties with the first one…

• Focus on result not on process: concentrate on what is the feeling that it will give you when you have what you want: happy, fulfilled, abundant, joyful etc? Even if you can’t yet think of how it could / should / would happen, realize that there are many more ways that you can imagine right now for those good things to come to you, so stay focused on the feeling.

• Be in the present moment: it’s all that we ever have at our disposal… If we worry, we are in the future. If we mourn, we are in the past… But in the here and now, we are fine, we are safe and all is well…

• Get physical: dance, get a massage, go for a run etc. Nothing better to make you forget everything, ground yourself and be in the present moment!

• Gratitude, the all round – works for everything – recipe! When nothing else works, try gratitude! And when everything works, you may also try gratitude J. Gratitude for all that you have, and if you can and dare, gratitude for what you are aiming for, as if it’s there with you already.

Have a wonderful week!

5 tips to boost your creativity (and manifesting power)!

Hello gorgeous,

I was reflecting this week with my (Circles) teacher on how things had evolved on the space of a few months. When I started back in October, I wanted to but was feeling hesitant to fix the date for my first circle. Now I have big plans for circles and more, how did I go from hesitation to my big vision (I will tell you about it another time ;-))? The first shift I can’t explain, when I went from hesitation to confidence and daring, it feels to me it happened overnight. But looking back, I have been busy with affirmations, visualizations and gratitude, so it kind of feels logical that it evolved like that! The 2^nd one, going to my big vision, comes from a place of “what if everything was possible?”, and daring to imagine and dream big.

So I want to provide you today with tips to dream and create more:

• A Vision Board or Dream Board. You probably know about it, it’s a collage of pictures and words, phrases, on a big piece of thick paper. I used to do one at the beginning of every year. It starts by gathering and cutting out pictures and words that inspire us from magazines. And it can take quite some time, plus you don’t have to do it all at once. You can flick through magazines, take out what makes you feel good, gather those pieces for a while and then suddenly take that big piece of paper and try to organize it all and glue it all. It does not even have to have a proper clear meaning, but it’s all about how it makes you feel. For instance, a pic of a couple lying at the beach could stand for holidays and/or for finding a new romantic partner, or simply for the feeling of freedom that it gives you to think about the beach. Don’t forget to put it some place where you can see it every day and get into the feelings you want to create. Plus, if you start not noticing it anymore, move it!

• A variant is a Dream Movie. For the more techies between us, you can gather it all electronically and put those pics all together with a nice music in the background as a short movie, like 3 to 5’. I did that last year myself. Same than before, it’s not enough to create it one time, you need to watch it every day at least once… So you can post it as a private video on YouTube 😉

• Combining a Be Do Have list with journaling. If you want to know more about the Be Do Have, go here! I told you about my new morning routine, well I use the writing exercise to write about one of the items in my list. So I write for 5’ on one item, as if it has happened already, and I try to write as much as possible about my feelings. I tend to write about a page in my journal every day in those 5’ and it makes me feel good (which is the idea, right?).

• Get a friend to do a joint “How good could it be” You’ll probably want to record or write it down too! One starts asking those questions: “how good could it be this year for you, what would it mean, what would happen, how would it make you feel, tell me”. So the other answers that with one dream, and then the first one asks again: “ok, great, what else?” and here we go again, until time is up or everything is covered! Then you exchange roles and do the same exercise again.

• Write a letter to yourself, date it 3 years from now, and write it in the present tense. Describe a typical day of your life 3 years from now, and make sure to include as much as possible feelings and emotions that come to you when you imagine being in that situation as if it is now.

Of course, any combination of those is great too 😉

And, don’t forget, dreams don’t work unless you do, so take inspired action!!!

Have a wonderful week!

Morning routine tips!

Hello gorgeous,

I was talking yesterday with a colleague entrepreneur and we came to the topic of morning routine. Have you heard of the book “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod?

I haven’t read it yet (it’s on my list to books to read but have not come to it yet)? My colleague uses his framework, which is the following:

Silence (like meditation), Affirmation, Visualization, Scribing (writing), Reading and Exercise (as in: physical activity!). You can do as little as one minute of each, which will “cost” you 6 minutes, or as much as 20’ of each which would be 2h of your time every morning…

That made me think of mine, and of having a morning routine as such… I used to have one, and somehow, somewhere, back in November, it disappeared…

However, mine had some of those components as well, like journaling and exercising, so I could think of merging the 2! But I also know that trying to prop too much into it would not work and only feel discouraging to me, I would not have the required self-discipline… And I had to think about you, my readers, my clients, my friends. Do you have a morning routine (other than shower, eat breakfast, get ready etc ;-))? And would you manage one or does it feel too difficult? And, if it’s so easy to drop it, what could make us have one that fits us, and keep it (or/and adjust it when necessary)?

Because at the end of the day it comes down to motivation… When we are motivated enough, then we do those things, even if they are cumbersome, challenging (like when I got rid of those 5 kg…), difficult…

Plus, we know that a routine would be good for us, so why don’t we do it? What are our excuses? Some of mine are: not having a fixed schedule during the week, already waking up early enough…

But right now, my back is hurting, and my husband is stalking me to get back into my Pilates routine (luckily, my friend Em is starting her free series again so that is going to motivate me – register here if you want in!), so that should be enough motivation, right?

The other thing I noticed with myself is that it is much easier to keep yourself motivated if you have a buddy you need to report to…and a reminder every day… So I went to look on the AppStore to see what was there (sorry for the non Mac users ;-)), and there are loads of Productivity apps we can use to remind ourselves to do tasks, but of course we can add the existing Reminders app that’s already there! Although I think it does not beat having a buddy that you are accountable to…

So… who’s with me on that one? Who wants a buddy? Should we make it fun and make pairs to start a morning routine and stick to it? What do you think? I can feel my excitement already building up! So please comment and/or come back to me and I’ll take it from there!

P.S.: I started this morning and here’s mine (30’ long):

Meditation      4’

Affirmation     2’

Visualization   3’

Journaling       5’

Reading          6’

Pilates             10’

Have a wonderful week!

3 things not to do when people hurt you (and what to do instead)

Hello gorgeous,

First of all I want to wish you a great year 2016, may your dreams come true and with ease and flow!

I also want to thank you for staying with me and reading me every week (and even if you don’t read me every week I still love you!).

Today I want to talk about what I think we should do and not do when people are acting and reacting in ways that disturb us and even hurt us. It can come from a friend saying things that we find unpleasant (that the same friend might not qualify as such and be unaware that we find them so), or not saying things we expect to hear…

It can be from a relative, it can be from children, who tend to have a mind of their own and show disagreement loud and clear when we do something they don’t like (like getting a new partner…), or from an ex who did not yet “digest” the break-up…

To me, the main thing we have to remember when something like that happens, is that it says more about them than about us… It’s their reaction; it is related to what’s going on in their head, and it can look very different from the reaction we would have to a similar event (and to what we would love to experience too!)

That being said, what might still be difficult to us, and what we should not do, is the following:

1. Do not take it personally. Again, it’s not about you, it just means this person might be an egocentric and only care about him/herself. Or maybe he or she is jealous and taking it up on you. Or maybe he or she is having a bad day… Whatever the reason behind the reaction, again it is their reaction, their reality, not yours.
2. Do not feel guilty. I know this might be very difficult as well, when your kid tells you he hates you because your brought somebody home, or because you let somebody use you or disrespect you, or because somebody is upset and you wonder what you might have done that caused his or her reaction. Feeling guilty is not going to help you process this any further, it will just hinder you.
3. Do not let it spoil your experience. If you stay stuck in this “event” that just happened and re-live it time after time again, you are spoiling the present moment. And the present moment is always all that you have and it is there for you to enjoy it. So, if you brought home your new partner and your kid is upset, will you let that spoil the moment you have? If you just had a date that did not turn out as you would have liked, will you let that spoil the party that you have in a few hours? I think you shouldn’t…

What should you do instead?

1. By all means, look for the lesson. Is it possible that you did not state clearly enough what you wanted? Or that you did not assert yourself enough? Or that your kid needs stronger limits to be set? Or that you might expect too much from others? If the situation keeps coming back to you, it simply means there is still something for you to learn and grow, try to find it!
2. Forgive. Yes you heard me all right. What’s the point in getting upset about somebody else’s attitude (once you understood the lesson that is!)? Forgive is not the same as forget, it just means you are able to let go of this specific hurt you just experienced, and move on to something else, to something better. Resentment is only polluting your system, not theirs…

Now, I did not say all of that was easy, don’t get me wrong… I am simply trying to give you an alternative route you can take to feel better, and I hope you will take it when it happens to you. And if you need my help in dealing with this any further, I am right there!