On Compassion…

Hello gorgeous,

Have you ever found yourself confronted with an annoying human being, feeling triggered, not understanding the other person’s attitude or point of view? Well I dare say we all do from time to time. When we are not triggered by our pets… 😉 (my dog, for instance, considers that every shoe left unattended is her own, and works very hard at destroying it as quickly as possible!)

Maybe you have to deal with a possessive mother-in-law, or a father-in-law who keeps asking for your help but seems completely unable of feeling grateful and saying thank you, or maybe (I have nothing against in-laws in general, don’t get me wrong!) at work, there are some colleagues you can’t quite understand and follow, maybe a boos got all the credit for something you’ve done etc. you get the picture.

Well, what if for a second or two you could consider the following, as a given principle:

“We all do the best we can, with what we have, from where we are.”

Wouldn’t you be able to feel more compassion towards those people? You might still think that their best is about your worst, and that’s ok, but we all have a different path to follow and different things to learn in order to grow, we are at different places in our lives.

And then, how about ourselves for a minute? Can’t we agree that we do our best in every situation, even if later we say to ourselves “oh I should have reacted differently” etc. We do with what’s available to us at that minute, right? So why don’t we give ourselves a break and feel more compassion for ourselves as well? Let’s stop for a minute to be so perfectionistic for example, or so demanding with ourselves, and let’s feel that, yes, we do our best, and our best should be enough.

I wish you a wonderful week!

Confession Time…

Hello gorgeous,

I have a confession to make today. I don’t walk the talk sometimes…

What???!!!! You must be thinking… She’s always giving us advice and not following it herself?

Well, I am saying I don’t do ALL those things I tell you to do. I do most of them, but I have issues with some, especially the self-care ones, like daily meditation, taking time for myself etc. Don’t you have the same? You know what is good for you, still you don’t do it? Or not enough of it? So why do we have so much resistance in doing what’s good for us? Although we claim that’s what we wanna do? And how do we overcome it?

I won’t get to the why’s, that would be far too long and is different for each of us, but let me give you a few ideas to overcome our resistance:

  • find what works for you, like a morning ritual (or an evening ritual). I don’t yet have a proper morning ritual (currently working on it), but my evening ritual is to write in my gratitude journal and I now do that for more than one year. Now it has become part of my day, and even though sometimes I am really tired when going to bed I don’t want to miss it, it’s my way of closing the day well. But at the beginning, we always need to go through the few weeks (minimum 3…) it takes to install a new habit (and if we “fail” we need to start all over again!). So once we keep going it gets easier and easier, plus we then realize it’s really a good thing to do 😉
  • I indeed still have a lot of resistance to putting in place a proper morning ritual, as I assume I would have to wake up (even) earlier than now (and that feels like a no-go for me). But I would love to start the day refreshed, calm instead of rushing into it. So I am experimenting with different things to see what will do the trick for me. And maybe I will adopt one and then change. It’s all good, as long as it helps me and I like it!
  • How about getting an accountability partner, like having a buddy that also wants to do morning pages (or whatever ritual you want to try), and promise each other to check and support each other in implementing it?
  • But first, you need to let go of the guilt you might feel if you don’t make it. You need to think that every little thing you do for yourself is already a good thing. Every little drop helps, that’s the most important to remember. Don’t judge yourself or blame yourself for not succeeding or missing a day in your routine. You are progressing every time and thinking of your well-being. You are willing to try things out, and adapting. Isn’t that worth a pat in the back already?

I wish you a wonderful week!

Motivation is an inside job!

Hello gorgeous,

I got inspired to day to write about motivation. Where do you get it from, what if you loose it? How do you get it back? And I don’t think it’s any different if it’s about going to work in the morning, going on developing your business so that it finally takes off, taking that really important decision, or simply getting up sometimes.

The question is: what drives us, what moves us, what do we stand for? Some years ago (14 to be precise), I was in an unsatisfying relationship. Nothing wrong with him, a really good guy, but I was not happy with him. It took me a lot of introspection and some good conversations before I came to the conclusion that I had to end the relationship. I remember it clearly, as if it was yesterday, I said to myself: “I choose Happiness. Maybe I won’t meet anybody soon, and maybe I won’t have kids, but I take this risk for the sake of finding happiness”. That’s what drove me back then.

I also remember feeling demotivated when it seemed to me I was getting nowhere with my business, and what flipped it for me at that time was to reconnect to my big Why. Actually I think there’s more than one Why 😉 There’s why I do this work (which feels so joyful that it does not feel like work!), why am I here with the girls while my husband is spending most of his time away from us… Simply reconnecting to my answers gives me the inside drive, spark that I need to go on with my life.

So my question to you today is the following:

What are your big Why(s)? Why are you doing this work? Why are you living where you are living? Why are you in this relationship (or why did you stop it)?

At the end of the day, it’s about what brings you joy, as Joy is the ultimate purpose of life…

I wish you a wonderful week!

Expectation vs Deception

Hello gorgeous,

Today I want to talk about expectations we have of other people (and of ourselves too, but I’ll keep that for another time 😉 and deceptions that follow because we don’t get what we expect.

I believe we are all guilty of expecting things from people. We often wish our dear ones would understand us, without us having to explain anything; we wish to get support and help without asking for it, because, after all, wouldn’t we just do that for them?

Well, let me tell you, if we did help others without being asked, we might end up feeling disappointed that our help wasn’t accepted nor rewarded… And if we indeed could understand everybody without them explaining, then we would all be psychics, right?…

Another example is when we give (time, money, support etc.) to another, and expect at least a positive reaction in return. Well, we can also expect that the other person’s reaction won’t be exactly what we would have wanted.

I am sure you all experienced that at some point, just as I did, and still do sometimes, although I am trying to stay off of expectations.

The key is to not expect anything in return. Whatever positive return you get then, it becomes the cherry on the cake and feeds you much more. And when you give, give because it nourishes you, because it makes you feel good to give, not because you want a thank you in return. Sounds simple, but takes practice…

So start practicing today. What is it that you can give to somebody without expecting anything back? Start simple. Start for example with a random act of kindness. Smile to people you don’t know in the street. Say hello to the shop owner. Help someone cross the street. Send a postcard or an email to a friend… And feel the joy in the act of giving J

I wish you a wonderful week!

Mirror, mirror…

Hello gorgeous,

When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and said to yourself: “You are gorgeous?” or “I love you”? I bet it is not this morning nor yesterday… I personally can’t remember when was the last time I did something like that.

Well, recently I was participating in a Reiki mini-retreat, and Sandrine (the Reiki Master) asked us to say 2 things to ourselves: “ I love myself” and “ I take good care of myself”. Well, we all had different reactions to that but I can assure you that it took some effort from all of us; it really did not come naturally. But shouldn’t it come naturally? As Byron Katie (famous writer and author of “the work”) puts it, “It’s not your job to like me, it’s MINE!”

My invitation to you today is therefore to take a few minutes to stand in front of your mirror, and to say out loud to yourself: “I love you”, “ I take good care of you”. Other variations could be: I am beautiful, I am gorgeous, I am magnificent, I am sublime… And I want you to say it a few times, until you don’t feel the resistance anymore, until it feels like a natural thing to say. If after 10 or 20 times on day 1 it still does not feel natural, don’t worry, just do it again the next day, and repeat…

And you could also, when you find the phrase that fits you and feels good, to write it on a piece of paper and to stick it to your mirror so that you will not forget, but keep the benefit for longer, and think about saying it regularly (and when you don’t notice it anymore, change its place!)

I wish you a wonderful week!

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.” ~Buddha

P.S. To know more about the reiki mini-retreat from Sandrine Daubord, please follow this link to her Facebook page!

Who’s in your team?

Hello gorgeous,

By team, I mean Support Team. The people around you, which you turn to when you need a hug, an idea, a service, a conversation, etc… You probably know that “We are the average of the 5 people we spend most of our time with.” (Dixit Jim Rohn, motivational speaker). That is very important, it means we can’t afford to spend time with people who are bringing us down, without being taken down ourselves. If we want to stay positive, we need to surround ourselves with positive people, the type of people who will always have a positive word, offer us a shoulder, a bed, their time.

That obviously requires that we are ok with asking for help, and receiving help as well. I know that for some of us, we feel we need to do it all alone, and if Giving is an innate thing, Asking is very far from innate. Most of the times we need to learn to Ask. And learn to Receive. And yet, if we don’t ask, how could we receive? How could people guess what we need and when we need it? Not everybody is a psychic 😉

I recognize I thought I had to do it all on my own, so I learnt it was ok to ask for help. After all, people are really willing to help when you ask, just as I am ready to help when asked…

I am blessed to have many positive souls around me. My close family and dear friends, my Mastermind group, my Coach, my Facebook friends and groups… and the invisible friends too, the ones that we can ask too, even if we never see them ;-), cause they too are ready to help when (and only when) we ask…

So what I would like you to reflect on this week is:

  • Am I allowing help? Do I feel ok with asking for help? Can I truly receive it?
  • Who is in my support team? Are all the people around me supportive? Or are there some people who bring me down and who I need to see less of, so that I can feel better?

I wish you a wonderful week!

She’s your best friend because she believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself.

Humility versus Arrogance

I recently had an experience where I felt really triggered (by that understand: pissed off) by somebody else’s behavior. I went to a networking event, it was a new women international network in the region, their 2nd event and my first time with them. There was the opportunity to introduce yourself to the rest of the group and I was doubting whether to do it on the spot or wait for next time (I am still a shy little girl inside ;-). But at some point, a woman started talking. She was a life coach. Her introduction was quite thorough (trying to stay positive here…) and what struck a chord with me, and annoyed me immensely was that I felt she was sooooo full of herself. I found that really disgusting (and was wondering if I was the only one with that reaction!). And obviously, after that I kept quiet and did not introduce my services nor myself.

Of course, that says a lot more about me than about her. It says that this is my shadow, this is a part of me I don’t want to see, I don’t want to ever appear arrogant. In my family humility is a virtue, and arrogance a sin… And it made me think a lot and discuss it with my friends. Our conclusion was that the difficulty is to find your own balance, being able to talk about yourself and your successes (instead of staying shy and saying nothing…), but doing it in a natural way, and being in alignment with yourself. Too much arrogance can also be a sign of lack of self-confidence that you are trying to hide with appearing over confident…

And the other thing is, without wanting too generalize too much ;-), this is more of a feminine trait. Men seem to have fewer issues with talking about their successes than women, don’t you think?

I know where I am and I know that I still have some work to do there, but how about you? Do you find it difficult to talk about you and your successes, or does it come easily? Does arrogance trigger you, or not? If you find it easy, I’d love to hear how you do that!!!! And if not, I’d love for you to start a list: the list of the things you are proud of, the list of your achievements. They can be professional as well as personal (one of mine is getting my motorbike driving license in The Netherlands while not speaking Dutch fluently at the time ;-), so don’t restrict your self here. And keep the list open so that you can always add more, and easily accessible so that you can re-read it and feel proud!

Have a great week!!!